| Home | Members | Groups | Videos | Classifieds | chat | Music | Photos | Blogs | Events | Polls | Articles |
Articles
Articles HomeArticles
The 5 Do's
09-09-09
- Communication
- Honesty
- Integrity
- Tolerance
- Foundation of Friendship
What do all of these words have in common? These are the essentials that we need in every working relationship. People forget that relationships are like a human body. It needs things, craves things, and needs to be fed. It just takes more than food that we eat. A relationship takes dedication, work, thought, and a lot of trial and errors.
- Communication:
Communication is how we talk, when we talk, and what is never said. Yes, we do not say a lot of things throughout a relationship. However, we nit pick on the smallest things. Someone did not remember to put the toilet seat down or flush the toilet. Someone forgot to get milk at the store. Those are just two examples. Those things are important to different people, but those subjects are not the deal breakers in a relationship. It is what is going unsaid that causes the relationship to bust.
I have always been under the understanding that it is simple to put the toilet seat down whether you are the one who left it up or not. It takes a total of 4 seconds to close the lid and flush the toilet. Forgetting milk at the store will alter what someone will eat until someone goes back to the store. Perhaps God allowed you to forget the milk at the store for a reason, but we end up playing the blame game.
When we fight we always point the finger and that is a damaging act in a relationship. I always tell others when they are pointing a finger at someone, there are always four pointing back at the accuser. That makes them stop and think. I ask them; what could you have done to change the argument? Could you have compromised in order to save an argument? What dialog did you use during the argument.
There are specific words that triggers an argument, and there are phrases that can defuse an argument. If one constantly says 'you' that is placing blame. If one states 'I feel, or to me' it is stating that you do not agree with something, but you are keeping it personal rather than blaming. Our feelings are personal, and they are our own reality. What we feel may not be the same way someone else feels, but it is real none the less. We need to be able to get the right points across before the points become toxic poison to our emotions and later, our relationships.
- Foundation of Frienship
When a person reaches the age to entertain relationships we forget that friendship is the most crucial relationship we can have. A foundation of friendship builds a stronger foundation for a lasting love relationship. When the intimacy gets stale, the sexual attraction gets old, and the routine of everyday life begins to get to you the friendship that the relationship was built upon should save the relationship. This goes back to the communication theory. When there is absolutely nothing else to do, there is always a wonderful conversation between two friends. One should always marry their best friend.
No offense to the In-Laws, but this has to be said. In-Laws have a nack for delving in marriages that their son/daughter have begun. We have to remember that our child has married their spouse not us. Once a child leaves the home they are no longer our charge. We can care for them, call for them, help in times of need, but we are no longer in charge of their well-being and happiness. They are, and their spouse is. I cannot count how many times I have had to tell people that they are not married to their parents or their In-Laws. I have to tell them that they have to live with themselves not the parents.
Remember the song; "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". We need friends rather than partners. Frienships will develop into partnerships when it is time. Frienships are the foundation of all relationships even outside of marriage. Marriage is the most focused on relationship. However, there is work, home, community, and extended family.
- Honesty and Integrity
Those two go hand in hand. Every relationship needs honesty and integrity. This goes beyond marriage as well. We need honesty even with our mail personnel. We need honesty with our local butcher. There are levels of relationships throughout life that are taken for granted because we do not view them as such. Marriage needs the most honesty and integrity. Even if it is the most mudane subject we have to be honest. If someone puts something away that irks you, say something rather than allowing it to fester inside. This also goes back to communication. It is amazing how so many things within a relationship can revolve around one word.
Integrity has been left to the olden days. Who carries integrity today? We rarely hear this word unless we are in the Marines or some Government facility. The humor of this is; in politics and Government a lot of words are thrown around, but they are rarely practiced. Honesty and Integrity will keep us faithful to our partners and children. Those two acts can outweigh a lot of other problems in any relationship. It might hurt at first, but it is worth it in the end. Never leave a loved one to wonder how you truly feel about something, where you are in your life, and where you want to be in the future.
- Tolerance:
This is rarely talked about when it comes to relationships. However, if we truly love someone we will tolerate a lot of things. Minor things and major things will happen that will test our love for one another. If we truly love the person we are with, we will learn how to accomodate somone in their habits as long as those habits are not harmful. For example; if you live with someone who has perfectionism disease aka Obsessive Compulsive Disorder we need to be tolerant of them. This is far different from condoning.
This person will go through times where life stressors will allow them to go into routines that will make someone go mad. However, that time will pass. If you can understand it, prepare for it, and cope with it the partner will love you even more for it.
If you have a partner who picks their nose, give them a tissue and simply chuckle. If they do it in public, nudge them with your elbow and tell them they are not at home, but do not allow something like that make or break a relationship.
There are a lot of differences in life that people carry with them, and it is up to each individual to understand, and tolerate things that we simply cannot change over night.
Copyright © 2010 www.togetherchristians.com